I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
