she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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