do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
