wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
