The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
