This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
we're making bets on your personal life
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
