Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
