There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
