Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
