Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
