Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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