Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
