I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
