foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
