Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
