I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
