I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize