i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Pooping to opera.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
