Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
