I got chris browned last night
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Randomize