remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
