So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize