Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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