Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
