New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
