i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
