If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize