how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
