hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
