I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
