Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't think brook has ever known best
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize