We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize