Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I am available for nakedness
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
