remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
