Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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