dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
