Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize