And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
