I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize