just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Ladies don't puke and tell
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
