that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Randomize
