I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
