I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
