So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
