my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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