Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
