For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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