If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
