I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We had to coat check the pizza.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
