Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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