the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
