Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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