I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize