Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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