he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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