Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
accomplished twins. life is a go
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
