Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
