i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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