Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just cropdusted the office
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
