she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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