yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i think im in europe. pls send help
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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