im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
