You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
