I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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