brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize